How Can I Parent When I Feel Like the World is Falling Apart?

Written by Dr. Anna Precht

It’s always been hard to be a parent. And yet, these days, it’s feeling profoundly more difficult. Caregivers turn from watching the news and having their hearts broken in so many different ways--to then needing to tie shoes, make lunches, celebrate their children’s joys, or respond to their teen’s distress. They’re pulled in so many directions.

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Holding these two things at the same time--the painful world at large and the immediate, minute-to-minute world of the child--is a constant battle for parents’ attention and energy. We can’t and shouldn’t ignore one or the other, and trying to balance it quickly leads to parents feeling utterly overwhelmed and depleted, burned out from carrying the weight of it all.

So what to do?

It’s a similar kind of formula to other times in life, like when work or health or relationship issues are kicking up a lot of stress or suffering. The difference: The stakes feel higher and the chasm between one area (the grief and fear from the news) and the other (the exuberant children in front of you) is all the wider.

This can’t be stressed enough: “Put on your own oxygen mask first.” Self-care, in whatever small moments or ways, is step one. Pause and take a breath whenever you can, intentionally slow down, and take a minute to triage your own distress. When parents are burned out, they’re more likely to lose their temper or snap--which results in feeling even worse.

We also work with parents to practice self-compassion. Of course raising kids right now is hard--and so much harder than it was a year ago or pre-covid. Be gentle on yourself, kind to yourself. Perfect parenting is not the goal; you’re doing the best you can.

Connect with others. We have always known that it takes a village--and right now, parents’ emotional village is all the more crucial. Remember you’re not the only parent in this battle to raise a child when the world feels like it’s falling apart. Talk about this struggle. Relationships and being with others help us get through times of crisis.

Consider media consumption. We can’t ignore what’s happening in the world and avoiding news altogether prompts other potential problems. That said, for some parents, it’s helpful to evaluate how they get their news and how much. Reading social media posts throughout the day may be keeping stress levels consistently high. A contained time (not right before bed!) and news outlet might help.

Be present with your kids when you’re with your kids. Allow for the moments of joy in sledding or snuggling or sharing a tv show. The world is going to try to intrude (it always does!) with social media alerts and news headlines. Practice steering your mind toward your child when you’re with them. You’ll pay attention to the news soon enough, and the grief and the fear about it will come in waves again. At that point, feel it, allow it, and breathe. Do what you can. (What to do about the world and the news, that’s another columnist’s area.) And then help your children get bundled to go outside and hug them well.

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